I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
