she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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