I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
