So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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