A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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