How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
