You're so nebulous sometimes
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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