just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
