Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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