I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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