i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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