I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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