Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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