I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All the doctor said was why
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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