just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
