I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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