I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
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