Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
