Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
