some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
