He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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