You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
