just tell him i said nine months
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
