Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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