did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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