Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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