my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
