you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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