I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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