When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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