someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
