Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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