I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
