They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
