I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
