ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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