I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
