Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
