If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
