He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
