Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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