just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
is wine microwaveable?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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