Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She bit a glass in half.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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