I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
