Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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