i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
