last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
