He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
