i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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