There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
