a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
