okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
