I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Are we still banned from the library?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
