So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
