Where is the hickey?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
