would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
