yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
