I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
