Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
