her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
