you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
