i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
