There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
