I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
