WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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