Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
