1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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