Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
