tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
