the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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