I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
