Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
