we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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