I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
