the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
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Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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