so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
