Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
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you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize