I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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