I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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